Speaking"Truth" to "Power" Since August 1st, 2021

Publisher: Christopher Patrick Johnson
Editor: Cacophony Mailice
Sponsorships: sales@wetrihard.com
Tips: tips@wetrihard.com

Daily Pageviews: 450 (Weekly average Aug 1, 2021)

We Tri Hard "covers" the news and public events in the jewel of Eastern Washington: The Tri-Cities.  Kennewick, Pasco, and Richland, where Republicans unironically hold makework government jobs and rail against the welfare state.

Don't worry,  we also hate you idiotic leftists that are trying to make the Tri-Cities into some Seattleesque dystopian hellscape.

We are a digital-only "newsroom," watchdog & worst nightmare of every self-congratulatory parasite and rent-seekers who continuously keep our town an endless strip mall.

Like the rest of the media, we are as useful as a hornet's nest at a 4-year-old's birthday party.  Remember: We hate everyone and everyone hates us.

If you also hate everyone - and everyone hates you-  submit a story at tips@wetrihard.com.

We suggest that most people write under a pseudonym because they  (correctly) have concluded that people can't take a joke.



Managing Editor

Cacophony Malice is our contributing managing editor.  In addition to handling assignments, he also is the dude that goes on a hike deep in the woods and brings their fucking Bluetooth speaker.  If you've met him, you've hoped to punch him.

Jen Wenger

Jen Wenger

SR  Reporter 

Jen is our most experienced reporter.  Somehow in debt almost $200,000 and with a master's degree, Jen churns out shitty stories for our shitty, small-town paper and then goes home and drinks half a box of wine every night.

Chris Stevens

Chris Stevens

Reporter, Schools and Sports, WETRIHARD.COM

Chris holds an engineering degree from MIT as well as a JD from Duke Law.  A 4-year resident of the Tri-Cities, Chris covers school district issues and sports for WeTriHard.Com

Bryan Schlegel

Business & Douchebag Beat

"Bryan" is a golden-tee afficianado and generally hangs out at THE PUB in Kennewick talking to whoever will listen. Originally had the idea for iPhone, Bryan has been covering business & other fellow douchebags since 2021.

Susan Daniel


Opinion/Featured Columnist

Susan has been writing popular featured opinion columns for WE-TRI HARD.  Her Ph.D. thesis was on "The Secret Racist Plan behind FRIENDS & What all viewers must do to atone."  She also works part-time at Castle Megastore.

Jeff Parker

Jeff Parker

Opinion/Featured Columnist

Jeff Parker is the outgoing president of the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, as well as an active member of the National Association of Gun Owners.  He's not racist, but you should just look at the statistics.

Recent Stories At We Tri Hard

Winco Foods Rebrands To Focus On Transient Population

By Jen Wenger | October 14, 2021

Employee-Owned Winco has chosen to rebrand to keep up with changing demographics.  The Boise-Idaho-based grocery giant has said that 25 of their 121 retail stores will be making the switch, including the one in Kennewick on Clearwater Avenue. They elected to change their name from Winco to Wino foods by darkening the “C” and offering free Sharpie™ markers and…

Opinion: How To Tell If Your Local Leader Is Socialist (The Parker Files)

By Jeff Parker | September 27, 2021

Socialism is killing America. It’s the biggest threat we face as a country. Nothing will destroy the American way of life faster than Socialism. And it’s everywhere! It’s more important than ever that we stop it, and the best way that we can do that is by fighting it right now, killing here in the…


By Jen Wenger | September 26, 2021

In what many are heralding as a new era of bipartisanship, democratic leadership agreed to modify some parts of the SB 5395 curriculum in order to accommodate requested changes by the political right. “We think that it’s a shame that 1st and 2nd graders will learn about marriage, but they won’t learn that every marriage…

GESA Strip as Conflict escalates as Hapostinian forces seize control of the TRAC, All of Road 68 Threatened

By Jen Wenger | September 26, 2021

The deadly conflict in Occupied Gesastine along the Gesa strip along Road 68 in Pasco has threatened to engulf all of Road 68 in Pasco, WA. Hapostinian forces have seized and renamed the TRAC, opening a new front in the fierce war that has raged since 1953 as both HAPO and GESA formed and claimed…