Winco

Winco Foods Rebrands To Focus On Transient Population

Employee-Owned Winco has chosen to rebrand to keep up with changing demographics.  The Boise-Idaho-based grocery giant has said that 25 of their 121 retail stores will be making the switch, including the one in Kennewick on Clearwater Avenue.

They elected to change their name from Winco to Wino foods by darkening the “C” and offering free Sharpie™ markers and cardboard for all of their guests.  The purveyor of tasteless house-brand items that signal that something is going terribly wrong with your life and that all your dreams are turning to ash is also evaluating whether they want to coach their guests on effective “signwriting” and location placement to maximize panhandling.

Winco foods plans to maintain two separate brands from now on.  “The original Winco brand will allow people to come and interact with some of our Wino customers regularly.  So we’ve got a best of both worlds situation,” said one manager.

Grant Haag, part of their executive leadership team featuring all white males over 55 years old says of the move, “Well, since you basically can’t pull into a Winco without seeing about 10 homeless people, the market was signaling that was our demographic anyway, so let’s just lean in.”

Whether this is related to the doom and gloom and general malaise surrounding Americans in 2021 has yet to be seen.

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Jen Wenger

Jen is our most experienced reporter. She carries student loan debt of over $200,000 and a master's degree from a mid-grade land grant. Jen churns out shitty stories for our shitty, small-town paper and then goes home and drinks half a box of wine every night.